My ode to the allergy season,
\na la Sir Mix-A-Lot:<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
*talking*
\nOh my god, Becky,
\nlook at her pistil,
\nIt is so big.
\nShe looks like one of those worker bees’ girlfriends,
\nBut y’know, who understand those workers?
\nThey only harvest her because
\nshe looks like a total pollen-whore, kay,
\nI mean her buds, they’re just so big.
\nI can’t believe they’re so round, they’re like, out there.
\nI mean, it’s so gross,
\nlook, she’s just so ripe.<\/p>\n
*rap*
\nI like big buds and I can not lie,
\nyou other workers can’t deny,
\nwhen you find a plant with some itty bitty leaves
\nand she’s hoarding those ripe seeds
\nYou get sprung,
\nWanna pull up tough
\n‘cuz you noticed those buds were stuffed.
\nDeep in the petals she’s wavin’,
\nI’m hooked for the pollen I’m cravin’,
\nOh, posy I wanna get with ya,
\nand grab a pitcha’,
\nmy home-bees tried to dissuade me,
\nbut those buds you got
\nhave really sprayed me.
\nOoh rumple-smooth-petal,
\nYou say you wanna get in my shtetl?
\nWell feed me, feed me, ’cause you ain’t that average peony.<\/p>\n
Seen her petals waving,
\nto hell with pollen-saving,
\nshe’s powder,
\ndon’t crowd her, gonna eat her like a chowder.<\/p>\n
I’m tired of magazines,
\nsaying little buds are the thing,
\ntake the average worker and ask him what he need,
\nshe gotta pack much seed.<\/p>\n
So fellas (yeah?), fellas (yeah?),
\nhas your girlfriend got the bud? (hell yeah!)
\nTell her to wave around,
\nspray it out,
\neven drone-bees got to shout.
\nBaby got bud.<\/p>\n
—<\/p>\n
Sometimes I worry about me.<\/p>\n
Funny thing. When I was up in Port Townsend recently, Sir Mix-A-Lot was playing at some local dive. We didn’t go see him, being that there was swing-dancing that night and we’re total swing-dorks, but it might have been worth it for sheer absurdity value. I remember back in the day, I swore by Mix-A-Lot (who swears a lot!). Nowadays, I feel bad for him, but not enough to go see his show in smalltown Washington. What a big fall that is though, huh? Maybe he should have gotten into movies, like Ice-T. Oh look, he had a brief appearance in Meet Wally Sparks<\/a>. Lucky him. MTV has an interesting, if brief, bio here<\/a>.<\/p>\n And to think, I always wanted to be swass like him. Definately one or the other.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My ode to the allergy season, a la Sir Mix-A-Lot: — *talking* Oh my god, Becky, look at her pistil, It is so big. She looks like one of those worker bees’ girlfriends, But y’know, who understand those workers? They only harvest her because she looks like a total pollen-whore, kay, I mean her buds, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,14],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/192"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=192"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/192\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=192"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=192"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ahniwa.com\/old\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=192"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nBut hey, maybe he’ll launch a comeback.
\nOr end up on a reality show.<\/p>\n