Categories
game love music personal

We will become silhouettes

On the big speakers: The Postal Service
My current obsession: Vaenu Pa’riya

Nearly a week since my last entry. Not because of EQ2, as one might guess, but because I’ve needed the time to mull things over. I wanted to pay what happened with Alexis more than just passing lip service, but honestly I don’t know what to say. I’ve got very mixed feelings about what happened. She came over last night and we talked about things; mostly she tried to convince me that I was making a horrible mistake. I admitted that she could very well be right, but for now I still feel like it was the right decision, and I’m not going to change my mind. Not that it wasn’t hard. My god; my body was shaking, and she leaned against me and took my hand and stared into my eyes and even while melting I told her that I couldn’t do what she wanted me to do. It remains the right decision, but not an easy one.

As I dropped her off in the glen, she kissed me. Three times. I didn’t stop her, but I didn’t let it go any further. She told me I was stupid (for letting her go; a theme of the night) and then left. I drove away, confused and feeling pretty stupid. My brain still feels a bit addled, but I’ll keep my resolve. If I don’t, I suspect it will just lead to more people getting more hurt later on. In the Autumn I need to make a journey by myself; this supersedes all else.

–

To occupy my thoughts:

  • My father is probably moving to Reno.
  • I may go to Florida for Christmas, but I’m waiting to hear about the new job and see how my schedule might work out. Christmas is just around the corner, though.
  • We’ve got seven swing practices planned before we have to perform our routine. We perform on the 21st, and I’m nervous about the aerials.
  • My schedule is completely fucked since I can’t work over the holidays and I have to make up the hours somehow.
  • Everquest 2 is the best crack since Everquest, and better. It makes me shiver.
  • I desperately want a digital camera, and I desperately can’t afford one.
  • I may buy myself one anyway.
  • I secretly yearn for snow. I blame this on Ohio.
  • I worry that the application process for grad school in a different country will be complicated and difficult, and that I won’t be able to get the aid required to allow me to go.
  • I still haven’t heard about the second job, and I’m getting nervous now.
  • That’s more than enough, I imagine.

I’ll do my best to update more regularly.
I always feel better for doing so.

I wanted to walk through the empty streets
And feel something constant under my feet,
But all the news reports recommended that
I stay indoors
Because the air outside will make our cells
Divide at an alarming rate until our shells
Simply cannot hold all our insides in,
And that’s when we’ll explode
(and it won’t be a pretty sight)


– The Postal Service, We Will Become Silhouettes

One reply on “We will become silhouettes”

Comments are closed.